Can You Put a Label on Parent Engagement?

4Moms~1Dream often participates in a weekly twitter chat called Parent – Teacher Chat. The vast majority of the topic discussions are centered around family engagement and education.  It is a wonderful opportunity to parents and educators from all over North America to connect, discuss and learn from each other. If you are interested in this topic we would encourage you to join in the conversation each Wednesday evening at 6:00 (Pacific Time) by following the hashtag #ptchat.

We recently participated in a weekly discussion on the “Over-Engaged Parent”. A brief online description of the topic …“This week, we'll discuss the strategies to work with those who over-control their children or those who, because of any number of perceptions, make unreasonable or unrealistic demands of their child and or their child's education”…was referring to the Helicopter parents.  From the very first question which asked – “What does it mean to be too engaged in a child’s education? Is it possible? It very quickly became obvious that a number of participants believed that being a helicopter parent is the same thing as being an over-engaged parent.”

For those of you not familiar with the term ‘Helicopter Parent’, it is a term for a parent who pays extremely close attention to their child's or children's experiences and problems, particularly at educational institutions. The term was originally coined by Foster Cline and Jim Fay. Helicopter parents are so named because, like helicopters, they hover overhead.[Wikipedia]. Stories  of such parents can be found everywhere – from sitting with their children in the classroom all day, to calling cross country and waking up their post secondary child so he/she will not be late for class, to negotiating salaries for their child’s new job. Helicopter parents are overly involved in ALL aspects of their child’s life from the moment they get up in the morning and until they go to bed at night – 24/7 - 365 days a year. This is not the same thing as being an engaged, or as the topic suggested, an over-engaged parent in the classroom or school.

An engaged parent is one that takes an active role in their child’s education in order to support their success.  They support their child in many, many ways – everything from serving on committees to helping with homework. Engaged parents, through their involvement, often support success for many other students in the school.  Can a parent such as this be TOO engaged? We don’t believe so.  What moves a parent from being engaged to over-engaged? Asking questions? Being at the school every day? Always wanting to volunteer for something? We don’t see that as being over-engaged but rather enthusiastic and supportive.

Both engaged parents and helicopter parents can be a challenge for educators to deal with but we believe it is important that we all understand that there is a difference between the two and we caution labeling helicopter parents as being over-engaged.  Helicopter parents are not going away, so the education system needs to find positive ways to work with these parents. But labeling them as over-engaged will do more harm to parent engagement than not. So how does the education system deal with helicopter parents? The same way they deal with engaged parents: they work together to build a relationship based on trust and respect.  It might take more effort to build that relationship with helicopter parents than engaged parents but it is necessary. It is important to remember that the majority of parents want the best for their children and are doing the best they can to give it to them. There will always be people at either end of the spectrum….there will be parents that are unable to find a balance and there will be teachers that struggle as well. But in general, parents are engaged for the right reasons and we need to recognize and support this.  

We all know that the success and well-being of children is greatly improved when parents are engaged in their education regardless of what that looks like. So rather than spending time and effort categorizing parents as engaged, over-engaged, or helicopter parents, how about spending that time and effort building positive relationships based on trust and respect of each other? Our children will thank us.

If you are interested in reading more about the Parent – Teacher Twitter Chat, you can check out some of that archives of previous chats at  http://efacetoday.blogspot.ca/

Still Here and Engaged!

Wow!  It is hard to believe that another school year has come and gone and we’re already well into summer mode and trusting that the weather in BC will cooperate.  Though this year has been particularly interesting and challenging in BC, with the teacher job action, it has also been another great year for us with respect to connecting with people passionate about education.

While  our presence online has been minimal  over the last four months, we are always reading and staying up to date on the issues in education. The 4 of us have been particularly busy these last few months, with going to school full time, selling a business, fulfilling the role of a Board of Education trustee and numerous family obligations.   This has not changed our interest and passion about parent engagement in our schools .  We are  examples of your average parents: sometimes we are immersed in education by actively being involved,  and sometimes we need to focus our energies in a different direction  and we’re not  as visibly engaged.  

We have met many educators and parents in the education community who understand that parents don’t always have to be seen in order to be engaged in their child’s education. A parent who attends PAC meetings every month is not necessarily more engaged than the parent who never attend. We all need to remember that being an actively engaged parent will look different depending on the parents, family and circumstances. The engagement might be happening at  home  more than at the school, parent meetings, school activities or online.

Our own experiences lately reminded us that it’s important not to assume or judge another person’s actions or perceived  inactions. We don’t always know or understand what’s going on in their lives. But we can all do our part to support and encourage parents, regardless of where they are in their parenting journey. We look forward to continuing the conversations, expanding our learning and sharing. We hope to explore more in the area of enhancing parent education to support parent engagement in the upcoming school year.

Whatever your summer plans are,  we hope you  find time to enjoy the summer with family and friends. Have a fun, safe summer and we look forward to connecting with you all again in the fall.   

Bullying: Do as we say...

Tomorrow, February 29, 2012 is Pink Shirt Day. Pink Shirt Day encourages all of us to wear something pink to symbolize that we as a society will not tolerate bullying anywhere. While Pink Shirt Day started in Canada it is quickly becoming an international movement. You can find more information on Pink Shirt Day  at http://www.pinkshirtday.ca/ or  http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anti-Bullying_Day. Just Google it and you will find lots more information.

Turn on the news any night and chances are there is a report about bullying. We hear about it everywhere: stories on the news from kids and parents who have experienced bullying, conversations with parents at the school about incidents that happen, and children telling their stories about being bullied time and time again. It breaks our hearts every time we hear about a young child who has taken their own life because they can no longer live with being bullied. When we hear about such an incident, society demands that a program be brought into the schools to teach children about bullying, we protest and carry signs and light candles, celebrities get on tv and tell us that bullying has to stop, and there is a cry to bring legislative change to address the issue. We commit to wearing pink shirts once a year so we can stand up against bullies, stating we will not tolerate it anymore

But what are we really doing? Bullying programs, legislation or national days of support to stop bullying are not working and you know why? Because we focus all our efforts on stopping bullying in children. Program after program teaches children what a bully is, what they should do and what the expectations are of them.  This is great information but the message we adults are giving children is  “Do as we say, not as we do”. You only need to turn on the TV and watch the news, read the newspaper, attend a sporting event, or even have a conversation over coffee to see that bullying is alive and well among the adult population. It is rampant in all aspects of our society: in the workplace, at sporting events and even in the halls of politics. What is unacceptable behaviour in a child, is accepted as normal and is often encouraged by other adults. Some political organizations can be heard to claim that they have been bullied by another simply to justify their outrage because they did not get their way in an issue. Leaders, be they political or not, are some of the worst offenders.

Bullying will never end as long as we continue to teach our children that bullying is unacceptable in our schools yet ask them to live in a society where the adults believe their bullying behaviour is not only acceptable but encouraged. We are our children’s role models and we cannot nor should we expect our children to stand up and act against bullying if we are not willing to do the same. It needs to STOP NOW. It is time for the adults in our society to begin acting as we expect our children to act with respect to this issue. It is time for all adults to be positive role models to our youth.